True Love
by Phantomhive Child
Summary: Sebastian and Ciel are both conflicted, each one likes the other but cant tell each other that they do. Ciel is affected the worst, as he loves Sebastian more than he loves Lizzie and it is tearing him apart. What will Ciel do and Sebastian for that matter. SebaCiel pairing, rated M for yaoi. Please R
1. Chapter 1

"One's true emotions cannot be read as simply as a book", Sebastian mumbled to himself as he sat in his quarters for the night. "Indeed that would be the case with the young master then." Sebastian has always had a soft spot for the young earl but whether or not the earl noticed or not was eating away at Sebastian. The black-clad demon butler seemed to have found his weakness; he had fallen for a human, and a guy at that rate. Sebastian chuckled to himself, "what petit emotions I seemed to have developed over the years, but then again the master would tell me that it is only human. But I am not human, I am a demon." Sebastian was conflicted between the contract and his emotions and that was an uncomfortable position that he was in.

"I always thought that I could tell what Sebastian was thinking" Ciel muttered to himself as he sat in his bed failing to sleep. "Lately he seems to be hiding something from me and I don't like it, it isn't that it is my place to ask what he is feeling but what if it is about me." Ciel frowned, there was something that he had always wanted to tell Sebastian but giving his place in society and society at the time it wasn't the best thing for a situation like the one Ciel was thinking of to occur. "I just wish there was a way for me to tell him without him getting freaked out by it." Ciel had never felt like this before, especially with Lizzie, this feeling he had was bigger and more prominent than the feelings that he had for Lizzie and he hated that it was eating him as well; Ciel was conflicted between his love for Lizzie and an even stronger love for Sebastian.

What Sebastian and Ciel didn't know was that each of them had emotions for the other and was both afraid of what the other might think.

Ciel thought for a few moments and came up with a plan, he didn't like the plan but he thought that it was the only way for him to come clean with how he felt towards Sebastian and end his internal conflict as well. It was coming up to midnight; Sebastian would be in his quarters, although he would sense that Ciel was walking about the manor. Ciel had no time to worry about that, he had to start his plan tonight or else everything would be behind schedule and Ciel wouldn't want that. Ciel walked to his study where he lit a lone candle and drew out a pen, a piece of paper and an envelope. "I hope this is going to allow me to go peacefully then tomorrow" Ciel mumbled to himself, knowing fore well what he would do tomorrow. Just as he was about to put pen to paper Sebastian walked into the room.

"Master, what are you doing out of bed this late at night, you'll fall ill if you don't get enough sleep."

"Sebastian, I just have to write this letter whilst I have it on my mind, then I will be back in my room. And you should be back in your quarters; you have a lot of work to do tomorrow." Ciel replied with a harsh tone of voice.

"Yes my young lord." And with that Sebastian left and went back to his room, he felt some concern with what Ciel was doing, but then who was he to question that of his master. Ciel quickly wrote the letter to Sebastian explaining everything, his feelings and what he was going to do. He then quickly made his way down to the servant's quarters to give the letter to Bard and Finny.

"Bard" Ciel said, shaking him so that he woke up.

"What is it; you shouldn't be down here with the likes of us."

"No, I shouldn't I have to be quick though." Ciel handed Bard the letter "give this to Sebastian when he comes to wake you up tomorrow, tell him to read it, it will explain everything."

"Master Ciel what's going on", Bard asked rather confusedly.

"Don't worry about it; just give the letter to Sebastian as I ordered." And with that Ciel returned to his quarters. The night crept by and Ciel hardly got a wink of sleep, he kept thinking about his plan and whether there was an alternative, well there would be an alternative especially in the eyes of Sebastian, but in Ciel's eyes there was no alternative, and anyway he had already started the plan. By about 6am Ciel had had enough and had decided that it was time to put his plan into action. Sebastian wouldn't know that Ciel had left the house until he either read the letter or he went to wake Ciel up.

Ciel got dressed as best as he could, with Ciel being Ciel he doesn't have the dexterity in dressing himself, but anyway he did himself justice today. He picked up the pistol that he kept under his pillow at night, well who knows who is going to come creeping through the window. Well it does make a good escape route so Ciel un-gentleman like clambered out through the window, where he then ran over to the other side of the estate and climbed over the boundary wall and stood on the edge of a cliff, he then placed the pistol to his head. Now Ciel might be acting foolish in some people's minds but he meant what his intentions were, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to pull the trigger.

Meanwhile Sebastian had risen to perform his daily chores. But before he could do that he had to wake the other sleepy servants. He walked into the quarters of Bard, Finny and Tanaka, but to his surprise they were all awake, Finny was in tears, Bard sat looking at the letter, he had obviously told Finny what he had deducted from the conversation that Ciel and he had and although he assumed the worst, he wasn't wrong.

"What is with you lot, you getting upset over a piece of paper." Sebastian stated.

"We don't know what is written on the letter Mr Sebastian" Finny replied.

"Then why are you upset."

"Because…." Finny began but just continued to wail after the first word. Sebastian looked over at Bard.

"Here Sebastian, the Earl instructed me to give you this, by the way he was acting last night, it seems that something was wrong." He handed Sebastian the letter that Ciel had wrote, Sebastian began to read it;

'Dear Sebastian,

You might think of me as a coward for telling you this in this manor, but it was the only way that I felt comfortable with. You remember after Madam Red's funeral I ordered you not to lie, I feel that since you honour that I should not lie to you.

I have convinced myself that my revenge is pointless, what am I to gain out of it apart from death; this is mainly due to my feeling towards someone in the household. So I have decided that I am to end my life, it is not the best thing but it is the only way that I feel that my inner conflict will cease.

So I am writing this to say good-bye and sorry for breaking the contract.

Oh yes I almost forgot, the person I have feelings for the person I love more than Lizzie is you Sebastian, I love you, I always have, and I always will, I just think that this is the best answer for both of us.

Love Ciel Phantomhive'

Sebastian's eyes widened as he read the letter, and at the end it was clear to the other servants that something was wrong, Sebastian crunched the letter in his hand and walked towards the door of the room.

"You three, it seems that the Master is conflicted and as a result wants to kill himself."

"No, Sebastian you hear me, we can't let him do this, not to us, we would have nothing if it wasn't for you and the Earl. We will help look for him and try to stop him if we find him."

"Right, Bard, you take the north side of the estate, Tanaka, you take the west, Finny you go get Mey-Rin and search the south of the estate, and I will take the East, that way we can find him before it's too late." So with that the servants went searching for Ciel. Sebastian had sent the others on a wild goose chase, he knew where exactly Ciel was, he thought it would be best for him to talk him down rather than the servants who would easily lose their rag. "Master, why are you doing this, I know there was something that was prying on your mind, I just never thought that it would lead to this." Sebastian sprinted over to where Ciel was stood.

"I'll give it a moment more then I will force myself to pull the trigger." Ciel said to himself as he gazed at the drop below him.

"Master" Sebastian screamed as he saw what Ciel was planning to do. Ciel looked over his shoulder and pulled the trigger.

The next things Ciel saw was a bright white light. "Is this heaven" he asked thinking that he will be with his parents.

"No I am afraid it is not heaven."

"Then is it hell."

"No it is not hell either, you are alive Ciel, laid in your home in the human world." Sebastian was replied to Ciel. Ciel's head pounding from the sound of the gun firing.

"What so I am not dead", Ciel almost looked sad "I didn't want to live with this feeling."

"I know what you wrote Ciel, I wasn't shocked at all at what you put for the most of that letter, but wanting to end your life, why."

"Because I was conflicted"

"Conflicted?"

"Yes conflicted" Ciel replied angrily.

"Care to tell me why."

"What do I get in return?"

"A clear conscience and the truth" Sebastian replied.

"What truth."

"I will tell you that after you tell me."

"Well what I said in the letter, I love you more than I love lizzie, I don't want to be with lizzie, I want to be with you, and I don't know if you feel the same way about me, that's why I was conflicted. Sebastian the truth."

"What truth."

"You told me you would tell me a truth. What is it?"

"Oh that simple, I love you." Sebastian replied. Ciel's eyes widened, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You love me."

"Yes you idiot." Sebastian replied, Ciel blushed a little and bit his lip. "I have always loved you master I just never has the time to tell you."

"How could you love me, isn't there laws against it in your world."

"No there are no laws, and Master doesn't forget that you said you loved me too."

"I know." Ciel smiled sitting up. Sebastian removed Ciel's eye patch, and then the pair then gazed into each other's eyes. Sebastian then lent towards Ciel and kissed him. Ciel embraced Sebastian and moved so that he was sat on Sebastian's lap. He then pushed Sebastian so that he was laid on the bed and proceeded to kiss him again.

The servants stood at the door to Ciel's room peeking through a gap in the door. The three of them stood up and took a step back.

"Right we cannot tell Lady Elizabeth of what we just saw ok." The rest nodded and got on with their chores.

(Leaving what they saw to readers imagination.)


	2. Chapter 2

"Why can you not tell Lady Elizabeth of what you just saw?" Lizzie asked referring to herself in third person strangely. The servants looked at each other. They had forgotten that Lizzie had stayed the night.

"Um, because it isn't our place to say Lady Elizabeth," Meyrin replied.

"So, I should just go and ask Ciel then myself."

"No, my lady, why not leave him for a moment, I think he is preparing for the day, why don't you make the estate cute for him."

"But he won't appreciate it." Lizzie frowned.

"He does, in his own special way." Bard replied. Lizzie smiled again, and she went to make the study look cute. The servants sighed with relief, at least she didn't find out what Sebastian and Ciel were up to, but they hoped that they would return to their normal selves in no time at all. Finny and Meyrin went to help Lizzie to make the estate look cute; Bard on the other hand remained behind and knocked on the master's bedroom door.

"Master Ciel, Sebastian, I need to talk to you." Bard stated.

"What is it Bard" Ciel asked opening the door wearing Sebastian's shirt. Sebastian was conveniently lay on the floor on the opposite side of Ciel's bed so no one would notice that he was there, even though he knew that the servants knew what him and Ciel were up to.

"Oh" Bard said looking Ciel up and down then disregarding what he saw. "Lady Elizabeth was looking for you" Ciel's eyes widened as he remembered that Lizzie had stayed the night.

"Thank-you" Ciel replied as he shut the door, Ciel lent against the door. "Crap I forgot she was staying here" Ciel said as he slid down the door. Sebastian sat up and lent his face against Ciel's bed.

"Does Ciel not want to see his fiancé?" Sebastian asked.

"No, it's not that." Ciel began but he suddenly suffered an asthma attack. Sebastian rushed over to his master.

"Come now, did you not think about your health should your plan fail, which I am sure you would have known that it would."

"Sebastian, I was going to kill myself, I had no concern as to whether I was going to make myself ill."

"Well then, it seems like it's a good thing that I am here to take care of you." Sebastian replied helping Ciel to his bed. "You stay here, and I will tell Lady Elizabeth that you are not very well so will not be leaving your room."

"But what about my work, I haven't the time to be ill." Ciel complained as he spluttered up blood.

"Master, you are obviously not very well, and with that spout in the North Atlantic Ocean you have to take care of yourself, I wouldn't be able to live without you."

"Fine then tell Lizzie that I am not well."

"Yes master, I will return to take care of you after."

"Sebastian, should I be upfront with Lizzie, or keep this whole affair a secret."

"That is a choice for you to make" Sebastian replied, putting his shirt and tailcoat back on. "If I were you, which I am not, I wouldn't tell her for I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings." Sebastian walked out of Ciel's bedroom.

"Bard" Sebastian exclaimed seeing that he was still stood outside Ciel's room. "Haven't you got food preparations to be making?"

"Hey Sebastian, is everything ok with the Lord."

"He is not feeling very well."

"Not very well, he was fine 5 minutes ago."

"Bard, he had an asthma attack, they don't have any warning, they just happen. I am just off to tell Lady Elizabeth that he isn't feeling too good."

"Right, the chef will take care of things." Bard replied, running to the kitchen and beginning to prepare something for the sick Earl. Meanwhile Sebastian went looking for Lizzie and well it didn't take him long, all he had to do is follow the trail of cute things.

"Lady Elizabeth, I am afraid that Master Ciel has been taken ill, he wishes that you stay if you wish, and that you do not worry about the master."

"What's wrong with him Sebastian, he seemed fine yesterday." Lizzie was becoming hysterical.

"My Lady I said not to worry about him, look if you want to go see him he is in his bed-chamber." Sebastian replied. Lizzie nodded and the pair of them walked back to Ciel's bedroom.

Sebastian knocked on Ciel's door. "Master lady Elizabeth would like to see you."

"Ok" Ciel spluttered. Sebastian let Lizzie into the room.

"Ciel, are you ok."

"I'll be fine" Ciel croaked.

Lizzie turned around to Sebastian "He doesn't look ok."

"No, you are quite right there." Sebastian paused for a second as he spotted the letter that declared Ciel's love for him on the bed. He quickly picked it up. Lizzie looked at Sebastian.

"What was that." she asked.

"That was something work related, I told the master that he wasn't allowed to tend to any today due to his ill-health." Sebastian glared at Ciel, Ciel knew why, if Lizzie found the letter Ciel wouldn't be highly thought of for two reasons, firstly because both Ciel and Sebastian are guys and homosexuality was illegal at that point in time, and secondly aristocrats aren't very highly thought of if they are known to have relationships with their servants.

"I take it this was the other servants were on about when they said don't tell Lizzie."

"Yes that would be true; I didn't want you to see me like this Lizzie." Ciel said before coughing up more blood.

"It seems that we might need to call out a doctor, there might be something much worse wrong with you master."

"If you have to Sebastian, it is just a cold, but if you must you must." So Sebastian went to fetch a doctor to bring to Ciel's aid. Meanwhile Bard and the other servants were talking.

"This doesn't feel right."

"What doesn't Bard?" Finnian asked.

"I think he mean about what we saw between the master and Sebastian." Meyrin replied.

"Yeah, that's what I am on about."

"Well this is the master we are on about so we should let him be, I mean without Sebastian and Ciel us misfits wouldn't have a place to call home, the pair of them are like our parents, having to put up with us through the bad and the good." Meyrin replied.

"Well that seems comical, I haven't heard someone refer to Ciel and I as parents before." Sebastian had walked in on the conversation.

"How is he doing Sebastian?" Bard asked

"Well his asthma's playing up and he has a stomach bug which is causing him to vomit up blood, but other than that he will live."

"How is Lizzie taking it?"

"Lizzie is fine, she is with Ciel now, so we should leave them in peace." Bard went to prepare tonight's dinner but something was prying on his mind.

"Sebastian, were you and Ciel serious."

"What are you on about Bard?" Sebastian asked

"We saw what went on between you."

"Oh that, yes we were serious and this stays between us, if Lizzie or anyone for that matter found out, Ciel would be humiliated and the Phantomhive name will be ruined."

"Gotcha" Bard replied. And with that he went back to work. About an hour later the bell to Ciel's room rang. Sebastian went to see what Ciel wanted.

"Yes master." Sebastian answered after knocking to let Ciel know he was outside.

"Has the coach for Lizzie arrived?"

"Yes it has." Lizzie looked sad, she didn't want to leave her fiancé in this condition but Ciel was adamant that she go home, for she could get herself infected, well that was just the cover story in reality Ciel wanted to spend time with Sebastian and this probably was the best way. "I will escort the Lady to the coach." Sebastian saw that Lizzie safely got on the coach.

"Sebastian, thank-you for looking after him for me, other than myself you are the only family he has. So when I am not around please take care of him."

"Yes my Lady, I do not wish to speak ill of the dead but for a second there you sounded like Madame Red."

"No its fine Sebastian, and Aunty Ann taught me a lot of things, that my mother wouldn't so I guess you could say she had some influence on the things I say and do, but I meant every word of what I said."

Sebastian smiled at Lizzie and sent the carriage on its way. Lizzie was happy that Ciel was somewhat happy, even though she didn't know that his happiness was brought by another guy. Sebastian walked back to Ciel's room.

"Master Lady Elizabeth has gone home now."

"That's ok." Ciel sounded sleepy.

"What's wrong Master" Sebastian asked seeing that the night was drawing in.

"Stay here, please."

Sebastian looked confused at Ciel but then again this wasn't the first time that Ciel had asked Sebastian to say with him. "Very well master, I will stand here until you fall asleep.

"No Sebastian, you will stay with me all night." Ciel replied, patting the bed next to him. Sebastian smiled and sat on the bed next to him.

"Master is this what you want." Sebastian asked.

"Would I be saying if I didn't? You can lie down next to me you know, I won't bite." Ciel coughed whilst in the middle of chuckling.

"Master, don't make yourself worse ok."

"I won't" Ciel said snuggling up close to Sebastian. "I love you." Sebastian smiled and began to play with Ciel's hair.

"I love you too."


End file.
